Why aren’t we friends anymore? Taken from… The Muslim woman magazine

I‘m sure that if you trail back in time and take a trip through the hallways of your mind, you will find that dozens, hordes of people have entered your life and your story, only to exit. Some exit sooner, others later and only a few, only a handful, stand the test ( as they say) and travel along many more pages, chapters and years with you, side by side. Why is this? Why can’t every friendship last a lifetime? Do we simply outgrow each other as human beings and individuals? Is this how we are made, to continuously morph and change and replace each other? Who is at fault when friendships end? Do we eventually reach the point or the realization where we come to learn or to see each others flaws or true colors? Are we simply too unforgiving and do we give up on each other too easily? Or, is it more than this, deeper than this?

I’ve always wondered why do people enter your life only to leave it, to leave you. Sometimes it feels cruel. You meet a person and click immediately, you begin to get close and share so many interests with each other. But then after some time, you find that you don’t chat as often as you used to or that you’ve slowly drifted apart, is this normal? Why does it happen? It is often sad or heartbreaking when friends can no longer be friends. I wish that I could maintain every friendship and every relationship that I have had but like you, I haven’t and I simply could not. While some have left my story voluntarily, others have left through death or other unseen and unexpected circumstance. I guess that I have removed myself, voluntarily from many stories as well. But are these our choices, to enter and to exit, or is it above us?

As the years have gone by and as my head has sprouted a few grey hairs, I have reached a point of understanding things a little differently, perhaps more in indepth. While I have spent years grieving the end of friendships and relationships, I see with a new perspective today. I always knew that everything was only by the command of Allah but today I not only know it, I understand it too. Nothing can happen without Allah’s permission, without His allowing it. People do good by His permission and people falter by the permission of Allah. People live and die by His Will and Permission. By permission it is meant that Allah allows every single thing to happen, from the small things like making a new friend to the big things like life and death. So every person that enters your life has entered it through the permission of Allah and every person that exits your life, leaves only by Allah’s permission. 
It’s an amazing thing when you think about it. Allah handpicks and chooses people to share in the experience of life with you, whether those experiences are good or whether they’re bad and like wise He decides who leaves your story, why they leave it and even when.

Of course we would feel sad or heartbroken if and when people leave abruptly like when someone we know or love dies suddenly or when a friendship breaks due to misunderstandings. We grieve people that are not only dead but sometimes we grieve the living as well. But should we? Is that how it’s supposed to be? Or should we move on being grateful at the experiences and memories that each person affords us?

Sometimes people just drift apart and outgrow each other. Sometimes we change as human beings and our interests change too and therefore we cannot maintain the relationships that we used to have because we are no longer the people that we used to be. I found this painstaking whenever a person outgrew me and I felt guilty when I drifted apart from a friend. But, perhaps there’s nothing wrong in any of this. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe that’s just how its supposed to be? We meet people and stay in their story only for a time frame allowed and permitted by Allah. When souls are meant to meet then know that nothing in this world could keep them apart. And when they’re meant to drift and depart then too can nothing keep them together. And neither has to be wrong, nor right. It is just the story of life, I guess its just how things are. We meet each other to learn from the other or to teach. Sometimes we’re the student and sometimes we’re the teacher. And when the lesson is over and the story has reached its end, the sky changes hue, midday becomes dusk and we part again, embarking on different roads and beginning new journeys. There’s no need to feel bad, just be grateful and know that this person part in your story has ended. Perhaps years later paths will cross again or perhaps we’ll never set eyes on each other and our next meeting would only be in Jannah, Insha Allah.

Whatever it is, know that I have reached you with these words only through the permission of Allah, you have entered someone’s life only through the permission of Allah and when it all ends and if one day we’re no longer close friends then that too is by the permission of Allah. SubhanAllah.


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