Silent Screams …

The silent tears are the sweetest….

The silent prayers are the most heartfelt….

The silent act of charity is the most meritorious….

But the silent whispers of the mind are the most detrimental,the most disturbing, the most devastating….

As I sit to write this, I take a moment to breathe in the memory of every lonely soul. There seems to be too many who fight this silent war and never could I pay homage to the silent suffering of even just one. Yet my words are an attempt to paint a vague image of the suffering of a very lonely soul who painfully smiles while the world looks on and yet knows nothing of the shattering whispers and doubts planted by shaytaan, man’s worst and only enemy…

 

 

It is quite simple to understand; man has only one friend and only one enemy. One wishes good for him while the other wishes him harm. It is only Allah who is the companion and friend of every single person and He, Allah, wishes to be a closer companion and friend of the lonely person….

 

 

Words from a silent mind💔

The silent screams of a lonely soul :

The words make their way in escape as I choke them down painfully, again. How do I explain my current order of mind and soul? Who would ever (even) understand me? For me there seems to be no salvation so I silently swallow down the unanswered questions and the pain of (self) doubt…

I feel abandoned, discarded and deserted, like a piece of uneaten lunch in a scrunched up and discarded wrapper lying on the side of the road, abandoned next to the trash can, without a place to call my own, my home, for I could not even be placed within this home(can) of trash….

 I ride the waves of life, some high and some low, some with ease and some with tantamount difficulty.

 I sink down to the ocean floor as water begins to block my ears,sting my eyes,burn my throat as it drowns me only to spit me up again. Bewildered, I make my way toward the shore, toward the inevitable end…

 One day, I will become somebody you had the privilege of knowing, remembering while today you have the honor of loving me and smiling at me….yet you don’t see me standing before you, with a needy, craving face….

If I could open up my heart and let you enter within its cavity beyond my chest, you would exit silently,speechless, aghast and overcome, as you remember all its visuals….

 This doubt clouds my mind, its atmosphere is a thick smog which cannot filter through my nose. I gasp for air, for breath, for life! Yet you still see me smile outwardly while within me the clouds of doubt choke me….

 These silent whispers are too loud to bear! The volume is turned up to the max! Can’t anybody hear it!!? Won’t you help me shut it down!!! But I am screaming at myself for who can hear me? You stare through me as your jaw flaps in release of the daily affairs of your own life. Why do I look to you for comfort when it is clear that you have plenty to inhabit you?

 And then finally the heavy grey clouds break apart and the rain softens my heart, the rain of my tears help wash away the doubt, the pain, the thick smog disappears under the cascades of my tears…

 I no longer call out to anyone for I am calling out to THE ONE, …

He alone will answer me and has answered me, He will listen to me, uninterruptedly…. He will soothe me, reassure and guide me…. I feel foolish to have ever looked to the face of man with a craving face – for help, for answers and for a way out! It seems that Allah wants to teach me; that for me there is no person who would ever satisfy my needs of longing, my need of belonging. He allows the world to shun me, to abandon me, to devastate me, time and time again, in order to teach me that my reach should be extended to Him and not to them! SubhanAllah…

It truly is to me a miracle, that within us all, is a silent yet overwhelmingly LOUD mind. Sending feeds of thoughts from brain to heart daily. Some pleasant and some not so pleasant…. Some will never know what true loneliness feels like yet some others will never know what true happiness and peace feels like, the happiness and peace from calling out to the Rhabb of the worlds in prayer…

 

 

 I am just a lonely soul picking up daisies as along I go, through these plains and pains of life…. H

Haajar…

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