She thinks that it is a crime…

I think that it is a crime …

It is a crime punishable only by one’s conscious mind …

Yet still a crime no less …

And as she tries to sleep, she finds no rest, no release, from the haunting images of people she’s never seen….

She turns on her side until she relents and submits to the drowning thoughts which plague her in the stillness of a darkness both felt and seen …

And so she sits there, she lays there, tossing then turning and brimming with thoughts knowing that she is a criminal!…

A criminal for doing just that! For laying there motionless even though her mind runs wild, free and untamed into the space of present time, of past time, of future time…

And so she acknowledges her crime and pays her dues by rising from the mist of regret as she prays…

And she prays hard for the things that she cannot change …

She stands in worship to the only One who should be worshiped, confessing in soft whispers, asking for redemption, for salvation, for her and for people she has never met…
People who have no idea that she weeps over them with regret…

And these are her crimes

She thinks that it is a crime that people have slept hungry while she has slept refreshed, sated, peaceful and full….

She thinks that it is a crime that a baby cries with no one to wipe her eyes because her parents have both died and the world has forgotten and left her to cry until her tears are dry….

She thinks that it is a crime that a man was hanged in a dark prison cell for no good reason and yet no one knows about it…

She thinks that it is a crime that a women is beaten every few minutes according to some statistic somewhere in the world but she thinks that it is even more of a crime that someone knows about it, hears it, yet they turn the volume up to drown out her cries…

She thinks that it is a crime that a few yards from her home sleeps a man on a flattened cardboard awakening every few minutes from the slaps of the wind upon his dry and chapped face…

* she weeps*…

She thinks that it is a crime that someone is searching… Searching for something, for someone, for a path to follow and a Creator to submit to and yet… And yet they have not heard about the Oneness of Allah and the Kalima ‘Laillaha Illallah’!!!

* her body heaves in silent fits as she continues to drown the ground in her guilt*

She thinks that it is a crime that someone does not believe in Allah simply because no one told him that all terrorists are not muslim and all muslim’s are not terrorists!

She thinks that it is a crime that someone once believed in Allah and today has chosen a different path, a new path, a solitary path, a rejected path …

* her sobbing is inconsolable*

She thinks that it is a crime that a person who believes in Allah, sometimes fears Him more than he loves Him. Fears His punishment while forgetting that His Mercy outweighs His wrath….

She thinks that it is a crime that a person has lost all hope because no one reminded her that all we (all) ever have is hope …

The crimes are many and she places them with hope before an ultimate Judge-her Creator and Lord…

 

 

The darkened sky darken’s further and the shadow of a cloud flits across the face of the moon…

Then she wipes her eyes but feels that she has not yet paid her dues…

Perhaps she is far from having paid them…

And will she ever be able to (pay them)?

After all, how does she change the world?…

How does she find the seekers and then remind them?…

How does she remind them of hope and of Allah?…

How does she?…

How does she awaken sleeping hearts and how does she sleep at night when the world is crouching, rolling in the throes of an unseen pain from a festering belly in turmoil?

How does she sleep when someone sleeps on that cardboard a few meters from her home?

Or when a mother weeps over her child?

Or when someone forgets to call upon Allah….

She decides that it is simply not possible …

Yes … it IS impossible to live like she has lived and to live the way that we live!

In a state of ignorant oblivion forgetting while enjoying …

Forgetting that somewhere someone cries and that someone is lost and that someone is searching while we enjoy our bed, our food, our home, the comfort of knowing the Creator and of being able to call upon Him, all of which only Allah has blessed us with ….

And so she never slept another night without standing to pray for them first …

For the unknown faceless faces who lurk in and roam the spaces, alleys and crevices of her mind …

Thinking of them…

Praying for them…

Asking Allah to make her a means and an aid, in some way, for them …

Even if just with her weak and humble prayers …

And I guess that we’re all criminals until we realize this …

And when we do, we’re all criminals armed with prayer …

 

 

~H

Haajar…

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