Poetic Thoughts Of a Compounded, Enclosed Mind ….

Her black cloak flows in the wind as she stands in submission to her Lord Allah. Facing the sea, she stands in attendance, her hands raised to her shoulders as she utters ” Allahuakbar” ….

 

 

The sky is mostly grey with streaks of an alluring backdrop of indigo. The waves roll just centimeters away from her feet not attempting to roll further than the spot they were commanded to reach and to feel…

 

 

She bows her head and touches it to the grainy ground, pressing her forehead into the soft sand as tears roll onto the earth mixing with the saltiness of the ocean remnants becoming one, just as she becomes one with her Creator at that moment, forgetting everyone and everything by sitting there, her flowing garment swaying with the wind like the indigo ribbons in the sky just ‘being’ …. SubhanAllah.

 

 

She is broken like never before…
Never before has she felt so shattered, so stripped bare, so cracked yet so filled and so whole…
Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar! No one see’s her there, there isn’t even anyone in sight to see her standing there, broken yet whole, clothed yet bare. Her physical body is placed on the cherry wood laminated floor of her darkened room but her soul has sojourned and floated away far and beyond, beckoned by the crashing waves and salty breeze which sticks to her tear stained cheeks … She is alive in her mind, only in her mind and in her heart does she feel alive for her body is slashed, dehydrated and depleted from the crashing winds of time…

 

 

 

If only she could live here forever, she thinks as her shuttered eyes see the waves roll forth and then stop just before her bent knees. If only she never returned from her sleep. If only she got lost in the sea and if only it held onto her lovingly, keeping her buoyant and floating in the feeling of peace, carrying her through the storm and through the pain….

 

 

Her fingers dig deep into the damp sand as she pulls out a clump and holds it in her hand… Something has been unearthed and she feels it in her fisted grip. She looks down and finds a creature she’s never before seen… Unfamiliar, undiscovered, unknown to the world, trying to break free from the ground and make it into the wide open earth, freed from its compounded enclosure deep within a hidden world… Allahuakbar… She smiles to it and without a human face, it is able to smile back though only she can see it.

 

 

Oh how beautiful it is to sometimes live compounded within your enclosed mind. Just like this creature, she too wishes to be pulled from the depth of a stifling existence, choking on darkness and clumps of despair, wanting to be pulled from the quicksand of a hopeless pain, from drowning without there being a drop of water in sight.

 

 

 

And then she realizes that this happens to her every night and everyday. Allah pulls her from her pain and places her on her spot of earth to pray. He cracks her soul so that the tears can flow, flow out and flow on in a stream to Him, carrying boats of prayers, messengers of fears and of hopes for the unseen, for the undiscovered. Everyday and every night He transports her to a land of prayers where all that she is able to say is “Ya Rhabb!!!!!” But her tears drown her voice out and her words are constricted by an unexplainable pain…

 

 

 

And then He answers ” I am here …”

 

 

 

Everyday… everyday… everyday she asks and at that moment she promises to never stop asking! No matter how hopeless she feels, no matter how afraid to hope she is, she WILL ask… What else does a believer have but the hope in Allah, hope in relief, hope in ease, hope in a better tomorrow, Hope in … Hope for…. Jannah….

 

 

 

 

She watches the ocean’s crawling motion and she marvels at its obedience to her Allah. It never moves further than where Allah commands it to move until, it hasn’t ever disobeyed Allah, it has never questioned Allah and it never will. For eternity it will obey Allah.

 

 

 

If only man were the same“, she thinks with a heavy heart referring to herself. Yet Allah loves man more and most than any of His other Creation she remembers! Why? How come? The thought runs around the compounded, enclosed playground of a beautiful mind…

 

 

 

‘Because man has been created with free will’ .. comes a whisper wafting through her poetic thoughts….
Free will? What free will?

 

 

 

Free will to ask or not to ask….
Free will to be or not to be…
Free will to believe or not to believe….
Free will to float away and to flee to Allah, where ever He may be. Alongside the ocean currents or on a snow capped mountain top somewhere near the middle of earth.
Free will to soar to anywhere because a believing soul knows that Allah is everywhere ….
Free will to hope or not to hope….
Free will … a beautiful gift to believers… A burden to unbelievers…
How grateful she was to be a believer today….

 

 

Her shuttered eyes flip open as the last of her tears race down her cheeks. The dawn yawns the sun’s face out of the sky and yet again she is filled and fueled to face the day no matter what it brings. Already she cannot wait for dusk to come and to transport her to her dreams, to her minds eye and to her meeting with the One who Created her mind, Created the heaven’s, Created the ocean and even the indigo blue sky above it …

 

 

 

 

Haajar…

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