“What’s meant for you will never miss you no matter where you try to hide….”
For days I hardly spoke to him…..
I never confronted him….
I guess I was too shocked! I guess I needed to make sense of what was happening. After all, I always thought that I was served the better half of the pie how could it suddenly be that my entire life was spent living a lie?
I ignored the memory of that call and when her words came creeping back I shut my eyes tightly until her voice trailed off and got lost in the back of my mind. She never called back and I thought that maybe it was, after all, a lie! A jealous woman who just wanted to taunt me…..
But what’s meant for you will never miss you no matter where you try to hide….
Finally reality came creeping back.
I had thought many times about going into his phone. But truth be told, I’m not as smart as most of these smart phones. I knew what hacking was but knew nothing about how to do it! I wasn’t as phone savvy as he was. Who could I ask? I was embarrassed enough! I had no one! No friends! My family were in another town, I had left them behind when I began my life with him, and at the time nothing pleased me more. I never expected that one day I would need someone to talk to, all that I had was him! I gave up everything and I was content to play house, and be the good doting wife to this man, the wife who cooked, baked, went to the supermarket and took her kids to the park.
I heard the shower running and I saw his phone on the bedside pedestal. I kept wondering how do I get into it! And then, as if by some miracle, more like divine intervention, the screen lit up…. I was startled by the loud hum of the ring tone and without thinking, I answered the call…..
I hear breathing on the other end of the line so I know that someone is there.
” HELLO” I say more sternly, but still nothing.
“Is it you?” I ask softly…
At first she was silent and then she answered, “yes”….
My heart sank and the rest of what I said came out from somewhere within me that I didn’t even know existed…..
” I want to meet you” I say without realizing that I was thinking out aloud!.
But she doesn’t answer. We sit in silence as I nervously await a response and then she says ” okay “…
The shower stops and I cut the call.
“Who was it“? He asks as he rubs the towel on his jet black wet hair….
” No one, they didn’t answer, it must have been a wrong number”…
I watch him walk over to the table as he checks his phone. I watch his face and his eyes widen slightly as he recognizes the number and immediately he looks at me. I smile a fake half smile and he looks relieved as if he missed a shot in the gut or a slap on the face. If only he knew that although he might have missed having being slapped in the face with the truth, I had the wind knocked out of me as I learned about his lies……
She called me about a week later. We decided to meet at my home. It was my idea but I guess I was still naïve to say the least….
I thought that she wanted to come clean. I thought that maybe she wanted to apologize! Truth be told I didn’t know what she wanted but she called me so she must have something to say….
As she stood in front of my door, I was blown away by what I saw. She was everything that I was not, she had everything that I lacked except for one thing, my husband…..
I thought that I would learn more about the truth. Was it even the truth? Was it just an ugly lie? What did she want? Who was she? And when she began to speak I wondered how could I ever think that she would want to deliver an apology!
It seems that I was hell bent on living life with this naïve cloud always hanging over me! Is it so wrong to expect good from people!?
She came with an agenda, with a plan of her own in mind. She wanted my husband, my home, my life and she didn’t want to share any of it with me!
She told me, ” he loves me, he feels sorry for you”…..
Her words sliced through my chest as invisible blood splattered everywhere. I swallowed hard holding back my tears as I listened.
“The truth is, he doesn’t know how to tell you that he’s out grown you and this life you have with him, he’s tied by the kids and by the fact that you have no one”.
As meek as a mouse, I sit there, in my own house, queen of my castle, within the walls of my own home, being told by an outsider that my life was a lie, that it was about to end…
She looked around scanning everything from my curtains to me. She then stood up to leave….
“Well anyways, he’ll soon tell you, I just wanted to give you a heads up”, she said as she headed for the door…..
I sat in the bathroom with my hand over my mouth trying to stifle my sobbing sounds. I hid from Ammatullah and Hamza as I sat them down in front on the TV. How do I explain to them why am I crying!?
I look in the mirror at my red eyes, my dull skin, my puffy red nose. I truly am a sight to pain any eye…. Then my eyes trail lower. I look at my muffin top, my growing thighs, hidden by the guise of a sameera gown. It seems I didn’t even realize that I have let myself go…. Two kids has reduced me to this! About five kilo’s over weight and desperately in need of a new wardrobe! I wasn’t much to look at but was this reason enough for what he’s done to me? Am I a not a woman and a soul made up of feelings and emotions?
And yet she treated me like a piece of old and faded fabric that was about to be made into a scrap rag…..
How do I confront him, I wonder as I prepare supper. What will he say? He’ll probably deny it I say to myself. Although I am furious, I could not bring myself to lash out at her! I was nothing like her, she was everything that I wasn’t! She was what every woman would want to be yet the task of turning myself into her seemed impossible….her shoes, her hair, her clothes, her aura…. They existed nowhere within me…. She was probably the dream that every man envisioned he’s perfect woman to be….
He was quiet all through supper but then again so was I. After the kids go to bed he comes to our room and sits beside me…..
As if my heart decides without the consent of my tongue to speak, I part my lips and I softly say; ” I know” …
He looks at me with an emptiness in his eyes, the well of darkness he holds in them is a cold and brutal sea…..
He says without a glimmer of fear or remorse,
” I know that you do”…..
To be continued…