The wind howled faintly from afar, subtly at first. It disturbed the stillness of the drawn curtains as they blew open in the midnight hours of the night. The flame from my bedside lamp flickered nervously at its arrival. I looked up in knowing; knowing what was about to transpire. Its onset signified that the time for the end was drawing closer, that the end was creeping nearer, slowly, daily, hourly and as the days and hours passed the wind got stronger and howled louder and louder. I reminded myself that soon I would sit here in the aftermath wondering; “where to from here and how do I live normally after having had an “other worldly” experience”!
And so here I am, having those very thoughts with a heart that bleeds in longing….
But its never too long before my bones freeze in lethargy and my mind forgets the ethereal experience, is it….
Only to be summoned by flashing memories of my time spent here every once in a while. Summoned by a soul in need, summoned by a soul in longing, summoned by a soul in waiting…
But maybe…. Just maybe this time could be different…. Insha Allah….
Ramadaan had come to bless us, to forgive us, to reward us, to test us, to teach us, to instill in us, to invigorate us, to inspire us and to help us draw closer to Allah…. Alhamdulillah….
The scent of its wafting breeze still hovers faintly in the air. But for how long will it do that? For how long will its reminders stay there in our minds and hearts and now that the time has lapsed, now that a new moon has been born and the clocks have turned, what now?
What happens to us now?
Some of us wonder how will we live again after the effects of Allah’s mercy had blanketed us, had comforted us and had soothed us for all this time…
We find it somewhat difficult to stand up and to face the world again after having being cocooned by His Majestic embrace for these last few weeks…
Nights of worship, days of hunger, all of these have passed, for now at least and I wonder as droplets of tears fall from my eyes, will I get to meet Ramadaan again?
And yet still I wonder, even more do I wonder! For how long will we feel this way and how long until we forget, again!….
How long until we forget all the whispered promises whispered in the dark hours of the night, whispered to the ground?
How long until we become lethargic and stunted in our efforts with Quran, charity, compassion and nafl ibaadah?
How long until we convince ourselves that everything we do wrong is from the evil of shaytaan and not from any evil within ourselves!?
Will we quickly revert back to our old selves, to our old mistakes and flaws or will we, could we, convert ourselves into something else, something better?
And is there a way other than the routine pathway of having embraced Ramadaan only to quickly fall back into the mundane actions of life, into the heedlessness that takes us away from remembering Allah as much as we had this past month?
Could there be another way and is it even possible to live ones life like Ramadaan so that your death is like the celebration of eid?
Of course, and Alhamdulillah….
Of course this is possible for isn’t anything possible! Even the impossible is possible should you just attempt and try…
Alhamdulillah for having exerted oneself and Alhamdulillah for the desire to continue to do so and no it is not impossible to emerge from the last few weeks a changed person, a new and improved person, insha Allah…
Remember all those moments of solitude, all those moments of sujood.
Remember all those tears and whispered secrets that you shared with none other than your Rhabb Allah.
Remember the trust that you placed in Him and the hope the you had in His promises. He is the same Allah, capable of awarding you those same things, should you just ask, should you just continue to ask.
His Majesty and Mercy continue to blanket you, if you but just knew…
He is there with you, still waiting, still wanting to grant, to give and to bless you.
The question is not will my Allah grant me but rather the question is will I still ask it of my Allah?
Will I continue to persist and to persevere in asking for it as I had done this past month, in begging and in supplicating to Him when the world was fast asleep and there stood a soul bare, in the darkness of the night, when no one knew that her soul was there, her soul stood before her Creator Allah….
Will I continue to exert myself?
Will I allow every effect of this past month to leave me unaffected? will I attempt to change for the better even in just one single way, one small way?
Will I fall into oblivion and unmindful routine allowing myself to forget all that I had done, allowing myself to forget all that I could become!
And as you sit there wondering all these and other things, do you like me wonder if you will (even) get to see and to meet another Ramadaan?
The dawn creeps forward lazily yet elegantly in her glorious stride exuding a million rays hope.
The crescent moon has me standing and gazing in awe and I am mesmerized as I get lost within its beauty, as I get lost in thoughts of the hopeful reminder of the time that it brings with it.
I smile as I arrive to greet this new day, this new month, this new life, this new me…
This post is aimed at the one who wrote it to take heed first😊