How it all began – through His eye’s…..
When I first laid my eyes on Fatima I didn’t think that I would become so close to her. She’s been married to my friend Ahmed for almost ten years. I didn’t ever look at her in that way at all! She was sweet innocent Fatima to me. Until one fateful day…..
A day when everything just seemed to change overnight! It was strange really, I could compare it to seeing a unicorn flying through the sky, I didn’t expect it. It just happened! I have to admit that as the roller coaster started building up momentum climbing the tracks to the peak, I wondered how did we get here! What can I say? One day you could be a saint and the next day…. Well we’re all sinners in some way or another or is it just me? The bottom line is this; when a man and a woman are alone together, shaytaan flows through them like blood flows in their veins! I must have heard this through a hadith and let me say that I am not a learned man on matters of deen but even I have to agree with that statement. I’ve been there and done that too many times to mention! So because Fatima is my best friends wife, I have been alone with her plenty times, too many times in fact!!!
It was never my intention or plan to betray my friends trust. But he allowed me into his home like it was my home. I was so apart of their home set up that it really felt like my home away from home! He trusted me and would allow Fatima to be alone with me for a few minutes at a time while he went to the car, to the neighbors house or even to pick up the takeout! If he was unable to do an errand for her, he would ask me to do it! With guys its an unspoken pact where you know not to touch what belongs to your friend, at least you ought to know this!
At first it began with just harmless flirting. I was flirting out of habit mostly, it was so natural to me, I did it so callously with every other woman! But then I noticed that she reciprocated by blushing or laughing, sometimes even playing along with her verbal responses! She met my gaze when I looked at her. When I locked my gaze to hers she didn’t break her eyes away. Just one gaze is lethal, its like opium entering your bloodstream, it blows your mind to smithereens. She smiled when I smiled at her. She replied to each of my texts and even put those roses and hearts that woman love to punctuate with. This is when the attraction began. I started to think of her as a desirable woman and not as “his” wife! I could sense the chemistry between us electrifying. Like a rope was pulling me towards her, I battled to stand my ground. I wanted to see what it would be like to be close to her. The fact that she’s beautiful made it easier to get lost within her. Woman are so easy to swoon, throw them a few compliments, make them feel valued and appreciated, then tell them that they’re the most beautiful woman on earth and they’ll be eating right out of your palm like a little kitty cat. Fatima always smelled delicious whenever I was over at her place, it was like my sense of smell became heightened around her and her scent made me crazy! I’m assuming that this is the reason that woman are not supposed to adorn themselves with fragrance when they are around strange men; they have no idea what a simple scent could do to a guys mind! I would watch her movements and motions in her home. Her long legs when she reached for something on the top shelf, her small waist, her fingers as they traced her tea cup, her sculptured jaw line when she laughed, her chiseled shoulders, even her toes! Fatima possesses a beauty of note. Her face would make itself at home on the cover of any magazine. I began to desire her despite her being my best friends wife! Hey what can I say, I’m a man after all…. She would prepare the most delicious meals and then tell her husband to call me over for supper. I knew that she must feel something for me too, or rather let me say that I suspected that she did. Sometimes I purposely stayed away from their home when I felt that the attraction was too overpowering. So believe me when I say that this was not my plan and I am not a bad man! The more I stayed away, the more they would call me to come over for a braai or a movie or whatever. I was trapped, I had no way out! So I sat back and enjoyed the beautiful view before my eyes. But I needed to know whether it was my imagination or was she into me too. So I began texting her more and more. The rest as they say is history…
Now I must be honest and tell you that I knew that Fatima wasn’t going to give in to my charm and sleep with me, not that easily, not without more effort on my part and definitely not so soon! She wasn’t that type of woman. She was new to this and so I would call her “an amateur”. These are just things that a guy knows (trust me). Yet if I really pushed, I knew I could get her to succumb, to surrender and to become mines in every conceivable way. I desired her like a fire desires arid land! At first I held back thinking that I should give her time to adjust to the two of us, soon she would be begging me for more. Then after I saw her falling deeper in love I wondered if I even wanted to sleep with her anymore!? She began depending way too much on me as it was! If I slept with her she’ll straight out propose that we get married I’m sure of it! If not that, then she might have a mental breakdown from all the guilt! Besides both these reasons, I have to take into consideration that her husband is my (best) friend, I have my limits too you know! Well most of the time I do but when it comes to a man and a woman, whose to say which limits stand and which get thrown out the front door! If she was more easy going who knows how far we would have gone…..
Besides, I didn’t need to sleep with Fatima (although most times I really wanted to and it took all the strength that I had to control myself in her presence). She wasn’t (or isn’t) the only woman in my life. I can get what I want at anytime and that’s the reason that marriage has never appealed to me. Why would I want to be tied down by one woman and be forced to be faithful to her when I don’t want to be, when I know that I cannot be, when the world offers you so much beauty to pick and choose from? Beautiful woman are hanging everywhere just like beautiful flowers hang from the branches in a garden. So radiant. So exposed. So fragrantly beautiful. So easy to get close to and touch. So very easy to pluck and take home. Very rarely does a flower ever close when you get too close to it. And woman today are likened to these flowers…..
So even though I could satisfy my needs at anytime that I needed, I felt a void when it came to affection and attention and that’s where Fatima fitted in. She doted on me like the wife that I never had. She spoke to me in a loving caring way. She asked how I was, she even called me pet names. She fed me well and showed true love and concern for me. This is when I developed feelings for her. I relished in the delight of all of this attention from her but she was way too needy at times…..
I could sense that her attachment was becoming more of a dependency and it began to annoy me somewhat! She would text me just to whine about Ahmed and what he did or didn’t do! What could I say to her except that I value her and appreciate her even if he doesn’t! Words…. beautiful words…. Words which lack depth and meaning can be thrown around so easily while the receiver just gulps them down in a desperate attempt to appease their heart. They clutch at these weightless words, believing them, holding them close to their chest. If only they would look down they would find, they would see, how empty these words truly are! I’m a master at this so I would know…..
So our story was more of an ego ride than a fairy tale. She was good for me, I was good for her. I made her feel everything that he didn’t and she made me feel what I couldn’t get from my other relationships. It sounds like a fair deal, no?
Everything flowed well for a time until she started to act a little crazy! She would constantly ask me if I think that Ahmed suspects anything. She became a nag in this regard and she affirmed to me why it was that I did not want a wife! I couldn’t do anything else but go with the flow while I assured her that Ahmed doesn’t suspect a thing… So all was ‘flowing’ well until one morning when she called me to tell me that she needed some space and time to reflect. Just like that! She said that she can’t do this anymore and that its killing her inside. She was sobbing uncontrollably. I had just woken up and I was still sleepy. I listened to her with my eyes still closed. I stifled my yawns in my fist while trying to sound very interested in her words, very sympathetic to her pain and anguish all the while sounding heart wrenched! Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind if it ended. I wouldn’t need to deal with all of her whining and drama!
She loves him, she told me. Then she said that she loved us both! Poor woman! Does she even know what she wants or who she loves and am I really the cause of all of this? She ended the conversation saying that she wants to start anew. I acted heartbroken but I wasn’t……
She was good for my ego but that was it…….
She was sweet but this wasn’t going anywhere….
I will miss all the attention and all the doting and for a long time to come I will wonder what would it have been like to be intimate with her. I told her that I understood. I told her that my life will now lack purpose and meaning! I said that I didn’t know how I would face the next few days. I was lying! I didn’t love her like she loved me. She just thinks that I did. I told her that I also needed space of my own to think, to recover and to reflect so I wouldn’t come over to her place for a while. Words…. Beautiful empty words…. The truth is I didn’t want to taunt and torture her with my presence further than I already have so I decided to back away for a while.
But this escape of mine was masked by another underlying reason. Soon another nightmare will rear its ugly silhouette through the dark and I want to be nowhere near their home when it does!
Fatima’s marriage is heading for a major disaster. One that has absolutely nothing to do with me and I don’t want to be there when it all falls apart! If her world shakes and topples her over I don’t want to feel obligated to catch her! And I fear that if she clings to me I may never be able to get her off me!
I’ll share with you a secret that will soon shake the very ground that her lovely home is built on! Eventually all secrets must be revealed so you dear reader, are getting a “sneak peak“.
Fatima’s husband has his thing(s) on the side too. And it seems that all woman are (more or less) the same! They’re always wanting more!!! Buy them a ring they want a bracelet! But them a bracelet they want a car! Buy them a car they want your whole life!!!! A case of give the finger and lose the whole arm! So now Mr A has landed himself in some really piping water! His object of desire no longer desires to be just his fling and thing on Friday nights! She is black mailing him and extorting large amounts of money from him! She wants more than what Ahmed signed up for, which was just some fun on the weekend! She wants a town house in Sandton, an Audi in the garage like Fatima’s and a white gold ring bigger and better than Fatima’s on her left hand! Oh And she’s heading straight to Ahmed’s wife if he doesn’t comply!
Seriously…. How did this guy get into this mess!?!
To be continued….